Snapshot - Beautiful altar at yoga class

100 days of meditation that didn't happen

I took the photo below on January 1, the day I started what I hoped would be a 

100 day journey with meditation.  It ended around Day 5.  

I have very bad anxiety, and I was hoping that meditation would be something I could use 

as a tool to stay calm and/or bring myself back to calmness when needed.  

When I was on maternity leave I bought that book, plus a whack of other spiritual 

books in hopes that I would find something to help me.  So far I haven't finished 

any of them.  But with meditation it's the same as it's always been - my mind can't 

focus on being calm and quiet, my inner voice won't be silent and continues its 

never ending negative monologue.  I've put the book to the side, and I hope 

that one day soon I can try again.

What I have accomplished though, since January 1, is practicing yoga every day.

I'm taking 1-3 classes a week, and practicing at home the other days. Some days at 

work I do a quick session if I'm feeling overwhelmed, but that will probably stop 

because I just moved desks and now I have someone sitting to my side and I'm 

not sure I want someone staring at me while I do poses.

Anyhoo, I'm so proud that I've been able to commit to daily yoga every day so far this year.  

My initial plan, like the meditation, was to aim for 100 days, but now I'm planning 

for each day, every day, for all the days.

"Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured."

B. K. S. Iyengar

Yoga. And stuff.

 I know, you've been worried since I posted about my 40 days of yoga challenge and then never mentioned it again. Sorry.  

So, let's talk about it.  Did I do yoga every day for 40 days?  No.  Did I come close?  Er....close-ish.

Did I enjoy myself?  Yes.  Do I feel better?  Some days I do.

I practiced at home, and I started going back to my studio at the end of August.  

The first 3 times I went were emotionally very difficult - the first time I was 

shaking and nearly crying from being so panicked about returning.  

And nothing bad happened - I didn't hurt or embarrass myself, no one laughed or told me to get out.  After a few "easy" classes I returned to my regular classes from the Spring.  

The sky didn't fall!  

I am obviously well out of practice, my sore shoulder makes some of the moves 

difficult/impossible, and my anxiety likes to pop up each class and remind 

me how much I suck and that no one likes me, 

but I'm doing it.  I'M DOING IT.  

I'm practicing pretty much daily now at home, and taking at least 2 classes a week.  

I've been reading a lot online, trying to establish a home routine, but so far I've just been doing what feels good, and what I can sneak in in the mornings before work or the kids getting up.

If you're reading this and you have any yoga books, websites, 

pose or any recommendations, drop me a line!

40 days of yoga starts now

Last year I started practicing yoga to try to curb my severe anxiety. 

 It helped so much that I practiced daily, joined a studio, bought a good quality mat, took a subscription to a yoga magazine. I was hooked. 

This Spring I got sick, then I got really sick and ended up with pneumonia. Then when I was on the mend with that I fell while holding The Girl and further injured my arm/shoulder which had been mildly sore for a few months. 

 My anxiety had slowly started becoming worse, and by the time I was feeling ok enough to resume practicing (about 2 months after first getting sick) I hit a metaphorical wall so hard that even contemplating going to class sent me into a panic attack and crying. 

So I stepped back, requested a medical leave from the studio and tried to focus on walking and other forms of exercising. Maybe my time with yoga was done?

We recently took a holiday to the island and I spent as much time as I could barefoot by the water. 

I saw the sunrise most mornings and enjoyed the calm of the water. 

And I thought that maybe I wanted to go back to yoga. 

This morning I practiced for the first time in about 4 months. 

It wasn't a long practice. Some moves didn't feel too great, and I have lost a lot of flexibility. 

 My arm ached a bit. But I did it. And I'll do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and so on. 

I'm aiming of 40 days of yoga to get back into my practice and start feeling better again. I placed the rocks and stones that I had collected on one of my island walks when I was thinking about yoga with my mat to remind me of how much I wanted to start up again. I added a sand dollar because I love them so much. 

Not sure these grounding items will stay the same, but it's another thing I'd like to add to my practice. 

I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm hoping to really do this.