On the perks of babysitting
' "Mommy wanted to know who ate all the turtle shaped bagel pizzas, and I knew it was you, but I lied and said it was me." She burst into tears. I hugged her and told her, "You can never tell her the truth." '
One night stands
'I guess nothing puts a damper on a one-night stand as much as your friend pointing out all the opportunities where you might have been killed.'
'That's because my parents dressed both my brother and me according to roughly exactly the same aesthetic: Bert from Ernie and Bert.'
Also, great essay titles.
Why Do Men Put On Their Shoes So Slowly?
In Defense Of Chest Hair
The Day I Stopped Eating Cupcake